IsabellaHansson

My thoughts are in a big tangling knot right now, I feel I am about to explode. I will try to put words on it.
I know very well that this life that I am experiencing now, is not what I want to experience, I love all the beautiful people that I have in my life, but I don't want to be here, where I am today, sometimes not even on this planet. I don't feel well here, that I won't develope here, I won't take care and take use of what I'm good at, develope my potential, without a change.

I am ready to leave this and start a new life. A new approach.
I think we all would feel so much better if we developed ourselves. Dared to live, not care about others thoughts, do the things we love in the way we love them, only for ourselves.

I get so inspired by those people, those who goes their own way and follows their beliefs, without looking back. These people often experience critisism from their environment, and unfortunately it is hard to stand out and have your own way without hearing and seeing these people, looking at you with those eyes, that look. Look of judgement.

I am trying to do things for myself, but it usually ends there, by trying. If I would do everything for me I would have lived by my own, on an isolated beautiful warm place, devote myself to art. To write, to music, to drawings, to dancing, to thoughts, feelings, experience second by second, not let one go to waste. To feel the wind, listen to the waves, feel the rain on my skin, the sun on my skin. Listen to the silence, only there I could find true peace and happiness, or could I?

A person like me would only get hurt in the end, if I am to be me I will never become tough. But in this world that I am experiencing, you got to be. I am just afraid I wasn't born in the right time, wasn't ready for the shallowness and lack of empathy that I see and experience so often, it is not something I want to live.

I know that there are so many more people than me that feels this way, that there is gotta be more. And that if you don't change something, nothing will ever change. I know the problem doesnt lie in the world, doesnt have to do with injustice or wealth, it lies within ourselves. I can decide to do things different, not everyone else have to agree or come along with me, but one step at a time can make other people open their eyes. Considering to go that same path.

Remember when you were a little child, everything caught your eye, your curiousness, your wildness. I love feeling the child within me, we all should embrace our inner child. Remember how even the smallest things made us happy, a shiny stone, a broken sea shell, a sticker... We were all so innocent and curious on life. It seems we lost all of it growing up. Entered a world where these things wouldnt be as precious anymore.

I know I've been updated my blog with different personal texts pretty intensely in a fairly short time, but I have to release this in some kind of way. And this is my sanctuary, and since it is I have to let it out. Blogging is all about doing it for yourself and cause you enjoy it. Because I love writing, my own little public diary.